“Coming up, JACKIE COLLINS tells all about her latest book, our newest OPRAH BOOK CLUB SELECTION! Rush out and buy BANNED! THE UNAUTHORIZED BIOGRAPHY OF HERM BY JACKIE COLLINS!”
Herm bolted from the sofa.
“Nooooooo!” he exclaimed.
Meanwhile, the other Housewives were busy helping mtoeta organize a lavish charity benefit at the Fratpad banquet hall.
“Thank you all so much for your time, effort, and generosity,” said mtoeta, wiping away a tear. “I can't tell how much this means to me and to my darling little Skavery. The Skavery Foundation for People with Horrible Skin is going to make a lot of money thanks to all of you!”
“I'd like to add something wonderful to the benefit,” said PhoinixBlue, who was wearing fuchsia Prada jogging suit.
“What is it, PhoBlu?” asked JustJayJ.
“I'm donating a case of my new all-natural beauty product, Tru Re-Doo!” exclaimed PhoinixBlue. “The actual retail value is $1,000, but for you and Skavery, it's a free donation from me!”
“Thank you!” said mtoeta.
“Do we get to try it out?” asked Howdy. “I want some Tru Re-Doo, mmk?”
"Check it out on HSN, honey," said PhoinixBlue.
“Not to be out-done, I'd like to donate an autographed advance copy of my brand new CD!” said BuckB.
“A CD?” asked JustJayJ. “When did you start singing?”
“When I found out someone would pay me to sing!” answered BuckB.
“I'm donating copies of Banned! The Unauthorized Biography of Herm by Jackie Collins,” said Tyreese.
“Can someone please donate tickets to a Jonas Brothers concert?” asked a voice from around the corner of the banquet hall.
“Skavery!” beamed mtoeta. “Doesn't my baby look stunning?”
After the other Housewives gagged, vomited, and covered their eyes in fear, they reluctantly told mtoeta that Skavery was indeed stunning.
“What did you do after school today, Skavery?” asked mtoeta.
“I did a few lines of cocaine with Lindsay Lohan and the fat kid from Two and a Half Men,” answered Skavery. “Can I have a car?”
“Of course you can!” exclaimed mtoeta. “Howdy, here's my Amex! Can you please take Skavery out to pick up a car?”
“Come on, Skavery,” said Howdy. “Let's stop at Jack in the Box on they way to get your car!”
“Ok, Auntie Howdy!” said Skavery.
“Bye Sweetie!” exclaimed mtoeta. “Love you!”
“Bye Mommy,” said Skavery. “I hate you and everything you stand for!”
After Howdy and Skavery left, the remaining Housewives continued to work on the plans for the benefit.
“We need more donations!” said JustJayJ.
“Maybe Tyreese can donate her SOUL!” shrieked Herm as she entered the banquet hall. “Oh excuse me, you don't HAVE a soul do you?”
“Hi Herm,” smiled Tyreese. “Read any good books lately?”
“I'm not going to have the two of you ruining my Skavery's wonderful charity benefit!” growled mtoeta.
“Don't worry about me,” said Tyreese. “I'm a good girl.”
“You are a sinner who is doomed to eternal hellfire!” Herm shot back.
“Can't we all just get along?” asked JustJayJ.
“NO!” answered Herm. “Tyreese, admit that you dug up that book about me and spread it all over Fratpad!”
“I admit nothing,” smiled Tyreese.
“You dug up that book and gave it to Oprah!” screamed Herm. “It's her new book club selection!”
“I wonder if Oprah will come to my darling Skavery's charity benefit?” asked mtoeta.
"Tyreese, I'm warning you!” said Herm. “Call off this book business or else!”
“Or else what?” asked Tyreese. “You have no power over me! I'm an independent woman, and I'm doin' it for myself!”
“I've searched high and low for my birth father,” said Herm. “And I've yet to find him. BUT, I did find someone else!”
“Who?” aske PhoinixBlue.
“I found Tyreese's birth father!” said Herm as the Housewives gasped.
“That's not true!” said Tyreese. “My father was a mailman who left me in a mailbox when I was a baby! He couldn't properly take care of me because he had to sort the letters without ZIP codes! Why can't people use ZIP codes?”
“That was a lie the postmaster told you,” said Herm. “I found your father! And if you want to see him, you'll have to start playing by my rules, mmk?”
To Be Continued
Skavery is my little love bun. Hope the dad isn't a Cop without a Blog lol
ReplyDeleteI love the Fratpad Housewives - Only one missing is Aussie tho - LMFAO - I want to be a housewife too - lol- Missing you all xx
ReplyDeleteooooh... i want a phoinix tru re-doon't lol
ReplyDeleteThis is more fun than being at the Pad right now. I had so much fun reading and looking at the pictures. OMG, i just fell off my chair. Miss you guys at the Pad. Is it ok, if i come back and see more? Can't wait for the next chapter. The humor and wit is perfect.
ReplyDelete- zz-air