SEASON ONE REUNION!

LIVE! From the ID Lube Arena in beautiful downtown Cyberspace, it's the REAL HOUSEWIVES OF FRATPAD REUNION SHOW!

“Hi, I'm your host, Fratpad Andy,” said Andy and he tried to keep his wonky eye looking forward. “Joining me tonight is the cast of THE REAL HOUSEWIVES OF FRATPAD.”

“Am I getting paid for this?” asked BuckB. “Because I was told I was going to get paid.”

“Most of this season focused on the bitter feud between Herm and Tyreese,” said Andy. “Check out some of the lost footage between Herm and Tyreese.”

“Herm, Tyreese,” began Andy. “Is there still any animosity between the two of you?”

“I hate that heffer,” said Tyreese. “I don't even want to be in the same room with her.”

“Now Tyreese,” said Andy. “In fairness to Herm, you did try to summon Satan to attack Herm.”

“Okay but that was ONE TIME,” reasoned Tyreese. “What about when Herm stole my scheduled time for my private with Max?”

“Tyreese,” said Herm. “Newsflash: Max hates you. And so does Jesus. Jesus hates you, Tyreese!”

“We'll get back to Herm and Tyreese later,” said Andy. “But now let's talk about the many Housewives who are sashaying into the limelight through music, beauty products, and books.”

“Please buy my book Secrets of a Methodist Mutha,” said Howdy. “I don't care if you read it or not, just buy the damn book.”

“Howdy,” said Andy. “What made you decide to write a book?”

“Well Andy,” said Howdy as she bit into a pineapple. “I answer that question in my book. Go buy it, mmk?”

“BuckB there have been reports that you can't sing,” said Andy. “And that you rely on Auto Tune to do your singing for you.”

“Andy my voice is sweet,” said BuckB. “Sweet like my kisses.”

“PhoinixBlue, your beauty cream caused a panic when it was revealed that your secret ingredient for Tru Re-Doo was poo,” stated Andy. “What do you have to say about that?”

“Recycling is the only way to save the planet,” replied PhoinixBlue.

“Much of the excitement of this season was focused on mtoeta's tireless efforts to organize a fundraiser for her darling daughter Skavery,” said Andy. “mtoeta, you didn't raise much money for the foundation, did you?”

“No, Andy,” replied mtoeta. “I did not. It was difficult to collect money in the middle of a demon resurrection and an attack by an army of cockroaches.”

“Are you trying to blame me for this shit?” asked Hulko44. “Because if you are, bring it! Bring it, bitch!”

“Hulko44, as our newest Housewife, how do you feel about this?” asked Andy.

“How do I feel?” asked Hulko44. “I got five minutes of airtime and now I'm blamed for demons and roaches! Fuck this shit! Y'all can kiss my black ass! I want a raise!”

“If that bitch gets a raise, I want a raise!” stated mtoeta. “I was here first!”

“I want a raise!” said Howdy.

“People love me the most,” said BuckB. “I should get a raise.”

“Hello! I saved the world from Jackon's penis roaches,” declared Herm. “If ANYONE gets a raise, it should be me.”

“Who brings the drama more than me?” asked Tyreese. “I deserve a raise!”

“You don't bring drama,” replied JustJayJ. “You bring crabs and chlamydia!”

“Ladies! Ladies!” yelled Andy. “Stop the madness!”

“On behalf of all of the Housewives, I will be negotiating a new contract with a 20% raise for everyone – of which I will collect an 18% commission!” announced JustJayJ. “No one works until we get our raises! We are on STRIKE!”

“On strike?” asked Andy.

“If you like us then you should have put a raise on us, mmk?” said Howdy.

Suddenly, music filled the room and Howdy burst into song:

“Are you sure about this strike?” asked Andy.

“YES! WE! ARE!” shouted the Housewives.

“Ok,” said Andy. “I'd like you to meet a few of my friends. Say hello to some NEW Housewives!”

"Lindsay Lohan?" asked JustJayJ in disbelief. 

"I need the money!" sneered Lindsay.

“Join us next season to find out who will be in the cast!” announced Andy.