"THE DATE"

Hulko44 and mtoeta sat in a restaurant in sunny downtown Cyberspace waiting for Howdy to join them.

“Howdy said she has big news!” exclaimed Hulko. “What do you think it is?”

“I think she called 1-800 JENNY is going to start a brand new life!” said mtoeta.

“No way,” said Psydekick as she and ShaunnyShaun joined them at the table. “I think its bigger than that!”

“I hope it's good news,” said ShaunnyShaun as she scanned the menu.

“Wow, it looks like everyone is here,” said PhoinixBlue as she joined the others at the table along with BuckB and Tyreese.”

“Typical Howdy,” said Tyreese. “She's always late.”

“Can we order without her,” asked BuckB. “I need to keep up my engergy before I go on go on tour.”

“On tour?” asked Psydekick.

“Yes,” smiled BuckB. “I'm the opening act on the Kandi Koated Katastrophe World Tour!”

Finally, Howdy arrived and joined the others at the table.

“Ladies,” said Howdy. “I admit that it's been a while since I was in a relationship. And, I'm started to get lonely.”

“Awww,” said the housewives in unison.


“It's not that I don't love all of you,” explained Howdy. “But a woman has certain needs.”

“Of course,” said PhoinixBlue. “We all have needs.”

“Listen,” said Howdy. “My needs are big. Huge. Gigantic.”

“How gigantic?” asked Hulko.

“I want you all to chip in and hire a matchmaker to find me a date,” said Howdy.

“You want us to pay for it?” said ShaunnyShaun as she spit out her Diet Fresca.

“Sponsorships, please,” smiled Howdy.

“I gave at the office,” explained Hulko.

“I'm still paying for Skavery's rehab,” shrugged mtoeta.

“Can we order now?” asked ShaunnyShaun.

“Howdy,” said PhoinixBlue. “I believe in love. I believe in long, slow, deep, soft, wet kisses that last three days. And I believe you need a date. I will pay for your matchmaker, Howdy!”

“Nix!” exclaimed Howdy. “I love you!”

“Awww,” exclaimed the housewives in unision.

Later that day, Howdy met Patti, the matchmaker, and her assistants, Destin and Rachel.

“Tell me about yourself,” smiled Patti.

“Listen,” said Howdy. “I need a man!”

“Can you be more specific?” asked Destin.

“We need as much information as possible,” stated Rachel. “From what I can see, your needs are rather... large.”

“Can I just say how creepy the two of you look?” said Howdy to Destin and Rachel. “I mean, are you husband and wife, or brother and sister, or the same person? You look too much like each other to be real!”

“Howdy, what kind of man are you looking for?” asked Patti.

“He has to be hot,” explained Howdy. “And he has to love me for who I am. And he has to be rich. And he has to be able to cook.”

Hours later, Howdy was whisked to a chic cocktail lounge in Cyberspace where she met with Patti, Destin, and Rachel.

“Howdy!” screamed Patti. “I told you not to wear a coconut bra! This is why you're single! You don't listen!”

“Now she's pissed off,” said Rachel.

“She's really pissed off,” agreed Destin.

“I've picked three bachelors for you to meet,” explained Patti. “You'll have a mini date with each of them, then select one to go a real date with. And you can only have two drinks!”

“Drinks?” shrugged Howdy. “Who cares? I want to know how many plates of food I can eat!”

“First up is Grandpa Tater,” said Rachel as she escorted the first bachelor to meet Howdy.

“Grandpa??” asked Howdy as she stared at his first bachelor.

“No way,” said Howdy. “NEXT!”

“Howdy, meet Matt. He owns a diet cookie company,” said Destin.

“Good lord,” said Matt. “Howdy is so sophomoric and assinine. And she's far too old for me!”

“NEXT!” yelled Howdy as he threw a drink a Matt.

“Howdy, this is your last bachelor,” warned Patti. “This is sink or swim!”

“This is a disaster!” yelled Howdy. “How can you call yourself a matchmaker? I hate you, Patti Stanger and your Goth/Emo/Scene assistants, too! I don't want a date! I don't want a relationship! I'm happy being at Fratpad with my friends who love me and don't judge me! Okay they judge me but they are my friends! Fuck you, Patti Stanger!”

“Howdy,” said the third bachelor. “I'm so happy to see you again.”

“Again?” asked Howdy as she turned around to see...

TO BE CONTINUED...