TYREESE'S BOOK CLUB

It was a fateful day in Fratpad when Herm called her best buddy, PhoinixBlue. Herm was excited to share some exciting news with PhoBlu.

“What is it?” asked PhoBlu, who was wearing a black DKNY t-shirt with “FOLLOW YOUR DREAMS” spelled out in sequins.
“I've decided to find my birth father,” exclaimed Herm.
“That's fabulous and dramatic!” squealed PhoinixBlue.
“So what about you?” asked Herm. “What are you up to?”
“Oh, nothing,” replied Phoinix. “I've been reading a book...”

In fact, all of the Housewives had been reading the same book – Banned! The Unauthorized Biography of Herm by Jackie Collins had become an overnight bestseller in Fratpad ever since Tyreese found out about it and shared it with everyone.

Meanwhile, JustJayJ, BuckB, Howdy, mtoeta, and Tyreese got together to dish the contents of the book.

“This book is shocking and unusual!” exclaimed JustJayJ.
“Do you think it is true?” asked BuckB.
“Umm hmmm,” nodded Howdy. “It says on page 214 he was arrested!”
“And he changed his name!” stated mtoeta.
“He changed his name many times,” confirmed Tyreese. “We know him as Herm, but others have known him as JesusLvr21 AND JesusLvr22.”
“And Regina,” piped in JustJayJ. “Don't forget Regina!”
“Listen,” said Howdy. “Hermie is harmless. He can have as many names as he wants, mmk?”
“I seem to remember a time when you went by the name Precious,” Tyreese said to Howdy.
“Never mind that,” said Howdy, as he quickly gobbled an Egg McMuffin.

“The bottom line is that if everything in this book is true, Herm is not someone we want around our families and our children,” stated JustJayJ.
“Who has children?” wondered mtoeta.
“Herm has never fit in,” said BuckB. “Each of us have achieved success, fame, and fortune – except for Herm!”
“That's true,” replied JustJayJ. “I am a famous blogger, Howdy owns Hawaiian Airlines, mtoeta is the CEO of Wigs, Weaves, & Beyond, BuckB is the head of programming for Bravo, PhoinixBlue is William Hung's personal stand-in, and Tyreese is the host of Guess My Venereal Disease on the Discovery Health Channel. But what about Herm? He's not famous or successful. She's like a termite that attached himself to us!”
“And it's time we un-attach Herm!” replied Tyreese.

"May I puh-leeze change the subject?" asked mtoeta.  "I'm organizing a fabulous benefit for my favorite charity and I want all of you to be there!"
"That sounds exciting," exclaimed JustJayJ. "Count me in!"
"What is the charity?" asked Howdy. "Will there be free food?"
"As you all know, my beautiful daughter Skavery suffers from a rare skin disease," said mtoeta. "I'm very fortunate to have a disease in the family so I don't have to do benefits for homeless people and actually have to touch someone who isn't rich and fabulous like me."

Later, after sending complimentary copies of Banned! The Unauthorized Biography of Herm by Jackie Collins to the entire membership of Fratpad and Fratmen.TV, Tyreese called his long lost cousin Gayle King, and asked her to make a suggestion for her best friend Oprah's book club...
 
Meanwhile, when Herm's private investigators didn't turn up any information on his biological father, Herm went one step beyond and hired a team of world-famous Nazi Hunters to find his father.
 
"If they can find Nazis, surely they can find my father!" reasoned Herm.
 
But, finding his father wasn't Herm's only goal...

 

To Be Continued...

THE FEUD

It was a sunny afternoon in Fratpad when the Housewives gathered to have lunch together. Everyone noticed Howdy's new housedress, which had a trimming effect on his belly.

“Thank you!” exclaimed Howdy. “It's an original from Shim by Sheree!”
“I have news,” announced Herm. “You're all going to HELL!”
“Why does Herm have to be here?” asked Tyreese. “No one likes Herm!”
“No one likes you either,” barked Herm. “But I'm sure they'll love you in HELL!”
“I don't have time for this,” replied Tyreese. “I have a private with Max in a few minutes.”
“That's odd because I have a private with Max in a few minutes,” smiled Herm. “I guess you'll just have to wait.”

Later that day, Howdy and JustJayJ were busy planning a birthday party for their mutual friend, Fratpad_PD.

“Can we get a cake in the shape of a blog?” asked JustJayJ.
“Listen,” said Howdy. “You shut up and let me do the planning, mmk?”

Suddenly, Howdy and JustJayJ heard arguing and went to investigate. Along they way, they stumbled upon motoeta and PhoinixBlue, who was wearing a red lace Gaga mask.

“Come quick!” exclaimed mtoeta. “Herm and Tyreese are fighting over the private with Max!”
“And I look fabulous in my Gaga mask that I personally hand-crafted!” said PhoinixBlue.

As the group turned the corner, they saw BuckB doing her best to keep Tyreese and Herm apart.

“It was MY private I booked it first!” yelled Tyreese.
“Max doesn't want to waste his time with you! Your a sinner doomed to eternal hellfire!” shouted Herm.
“You can't even log in for a private – your BANNED!” screetched Tyreese.
“Your soul is banned from Heaven!” spat Herm.
“Can you bitches puh-leeze stop and give it a rest?” said BuckB, as he kept Herm and Tyreese from scratching each others eyes out.

Later that night, everyone gathered for Fratpad_PD's lavish birthday party, which was hosted by the Housewives.

“I don't know why I'm even here,” stated Herm. “PD is a sinner from the pits of HELL! I am a Christian and should be surrounded by love and light, mmk?”
“It's a party,” JustJayJ reminded Herm. “That means free food and booze!”
“I only drink Holy Water,” replied Herm.

Across the room, Tyreese was bending the ears of Howdy, mtoeta, BuckB, and PhoinixBlue.

“Does anyone else think that there is something diabolical about Herm?” asked Tyreese.
“Hermie is harmless,” answered Howdy. “And she's a hottie!”
“Well,” BuckB chimed in. “Herm does cause a lot of drama in chat.”
“I love drama,” said mtoeta. “Drama is fun!”
“Herm's drama isn't fun!” snapped Tyreese. “It's evil. And it must be stopped!”
“Hey, its getting late!” said Howdy. “Where the hell is PD?”

The next day, all of the Housewives (except Herm) were summoned to lunch with Tyreese.


“What's going on?” asked PhoinixBlue, who was wearing a pair of Bedazzled skinny jeans.
“I did a little digging,” smiled Tyreese. “And you'll never guess what I found?”
“A plastic surgeon?” asked Howdy.
“Shut up, Howdy!” Tyreese snapped as he put a book on the lunch table.

The others gasped as they saw the cover of the book – Banned! The Unauthorized Biography of Herm by Jackie Collins.

“Oh my, exclaimed BuckB. “Is that real?”
“Yes!” smiled Tyreese. “Oh yes! And wait til you see what Herm has been hiding from us!”
 
 
 

 
To Be Continued...

SUMMER BY HOMO

MEET THE HOUSEWIVES

mtoeta

"Fratpad is my playground."

For mtoeta, fratpad isn't a place - it is a way of life. Along with chums Howdy, JustJayJ, and BuckB, mtoeta runs the pad as if it was the headquarters of her very own company. And that's just the way moteta likes it!

***

BuckB

"To a certain group of people in fratpad, status is everything."

BuckB has been a fixture at fratpad on and off for four years. She considers herself to be frat royalty, and will do anything - ANYTHING - to climb the social frat ladder.

***

PhoinixBlue

"I run with a fabulous circle of queens."

PhoinixBlue balances a life of a carefree fratpad member along with the stress of being an international superstar - but does it all with style and a smart fashion sense. Phonix is quick to tell all of her fans to "Follow your dreams!"

***

JustJayJ.

"You mess with my fratpad family, you mess with me..."

Funny, dramatic, and painfully loyal to Leo, JustJayJ (JJ to her friends) has been stalking the pad since the day it opened. If you bump into her (probably in a dark alley), be sure to ask her how many days it's been since Diggy left. She'll know...

***

Tyreese

"I'm an independent woman, doin' it for myself."

Tyreese is a mess. Tyreese is a hot mess. If there is gossip to be heard, Miss Tyreese will be sure to tell you all about it. She misses her homeboy Mick, but will always have a place for Max in her heart.

***

Howdy

"I like making my own pineapple juice, I find that an aphrodisiac."

Howdy is "The Connector" of the pad, meaning that all members who know each other do so through Howdy. Howdy is arguably the most well known member in fratpad's history. And that is not necessarily a good thing.

***

Herm

"You either love me or hate me, there is no in between with me. Did I mention you are all going to HELL???”

Depending on who you ask, Herm is either a gift from God or a punishment from Satan. Herm may be currently banned from the pad, but he is never too far out of the loop...